Tryouts for sub pool were yesterday. I did not move up.
Am I pissed? OH YEAH. 90% at myself and 10% at the universe and everything in it.
Did I do everything I could to make it through? Probably not. But by the time I realized that it was too late.
The upside? I don’t ever want to be this angry at myself again. It’s not pretty. I know what I have to do and it involves a lot of hard work and skill repetition. It’s going to be like an 80s movie montage over here until the next tryouts. I am going to punch the next tryouts in the face. It’s going to be awesome.
The other upside? I’m going to go to Target after work and have some retail therapy. Sub pool may be out of reach until the next round, but pretty new shoes, you will be mine.
Tags: angry, roller derby
August 25th, 2008
Yes you, Vegan Zucchini Bread people! I see you googling for no-egg vegan zucchini bread recipes with my super powers of word press dashboard stats. I hope my recipe is answering your vegan zucchini bread questions. As a favor to me, would you, if you try the recipe, let me know how you like it and what can be done to improve it? I take suggestions very well. Thanks!
Tags: google, question, stats, vegan zucchini bread
August 23rd, 2008
But really I’ve used that device a bit much lately. So I’ll just lay it out straight. I’ve recently made some adjustments to a prescription *coughcoughbirthcontrolcough* I was on for over a year. When I started it, my doctor said something like “If you start having any issues with side effects, cut out coffee and chocolate.” And, apparently, my will to live.
But I did it, dear reader. Drinking coffee made me want to hurl. Eating food, for that matter, made me want to hurl too, but I gave up the coffee and eventually graduated from saltines to big-girl food. I switched to tea and started feeling superior at how much money I was saving by making my own tea at work rather than buying coffee.
But this morning, unfettered by constraints of pill-induced nausea, I threw caution to the wind and got a large (A LARGE) coffee from the evil coffee corporation. AND IT WAS GOOD. REALLY REALLY GOOD. So good in fact that I had this conversation with my boss:
Her: How are you this morning?
Me: LOVELY
Her: I think that’s sarcastic….?
Me: NOPE! I’VE HAD COFFEE AND AM IN A REEEEAAAALLY GOOD MOOD!
Her: Are you sure you’re okay?
Maybe I need to baby-step back into caffeine. But OH GOD COFFEE NOM NOM NOM.
Also: Ask me about frozen watermelon margaritas. Go ahead! The answer is always going to be: SO DELICIOUS.
This post brought to you by the letter: beverage.
Tags: coffee, hyper, margarita
August 18th, 2008
Welcome back!
But please stop. You’re not cute. You’re annoying. Now go away.
<3 <3
me
August 8th, 2008
I’ve spent the last week being a huge excuse-maker. It’s gross.
Stop it, me.
This has been me publicly calling myself out. Buck up you fucking pansy.
August 7th, 2008
Fun!
I work in an old brick warehouse, built in the 1800s. If it’s windy outside, we can feel it through the mortar. Our earthquake drill consists of my boss yelling “GETOUTGETOUTGETOUT” and then running down scary metal stairs.
I need a beer now.
Tags: earthquake
July 29th, 2008
I will be going to Rollercon from Thursday through Sunday.
The weekend after I get back, I will attempt to make chocolate bread.
I’m skating. A lot. And getting better. New date for tryouts is in about three weeks. I’m planning on making sub-pool. Rar!
(I also have a plan b… you know… staying in fresh meat. But I really don’t wanna.)
Tags: baking, roller derby
July 29th, 2008
If, just a suggestion, you made yourself acquainted with things like “the gas pedal” and “second gear” perhaps it wouldn’t have taken you twice as long to get to your destination as it should have. THREE of your fellow route drivers passed you.
And, you suck.
Tags: bus, public transportation, slow, suck
June 27th, 2008
I started seeing I was getting a lot of hits from people searching for the word “twergi”. I didn’t know I was popular enough to be googled. Unless apparently, these serchers were looking for a fancy cheese grater (oops). I wanted to see what all the fuss was about so I googled myself.
Have you ever gone home and looked through your family’s photo album? Did ya see the photo from sixth grade… you know the one. You were wearing that ugly hat that you thought made you look so cool with some kind of “world art” pin on your cardigan. Okay, now imagine the douchebag who was your frenemy in high school made copies of that photo and drew a mustache on it and pasted it all over your new town. Thanks, guy!
It’s actually pretty funny, but it was kind of a struggle to figure out how to respond to someone mocking me for a homework assignment for a ridiculous class I took six years ago.
Well played, Bushwick Social Club. As a former resident, its nice to see someone embracing the Bushwick, rather than trying to convince people you really live in East Williamsburg. Hope the L train is better at night now!
Tags: douche, the internets
June 20th, 2008
Inspired by this post.
This started as a comment, but so much came to mind I wanted to expand.
My dad had the most lovely, all encompassing belly laugh and bright twinkling blue eyes. You couldn’t help but feel sunshine pour into the room when he was particularly tickled by something.
His bottom two front teeth never came in and he was very self conscious about the two tiny baby teeth that would peek out of his mouth if he smiled too big. He always looks stern in posed photos, but it was all to hide the teeth.
Whenever he cooked he made enough to feed ten armies, even when he only needed to feed himself and my sister. There was no halving recipes for him.
He had a special dimple on one cheek. When he was a young man, a motor from a boat fell on him, although I can’t remember the exact circumstances. I just loved that dimple.
I never saw him without a beard. Although his hair never turned gray or fell out, his beard was salt and pepper and got whiter with age.
He was a competent ballroom dancer. I wish now that I could have kept up.
He had a lingering distaste for kimchee from his tour of duty in Korea. Every year his sister would buy him a jar and for a year, we would live with an untouched jar of kimchee in our fridge until the next Christmas brought its replacement.
Thanks to his excellent green thumb, I have childhood memories of running through corn fields and eating fresh fruits and vegetables off the plants in our back yard.
He loved a good story about his girls and when he found one that seemed to be a hit, he would perfect it and retell it every chance he got. In my story, he caught me on top of the upright piano in the famly room and asked me what I was doing. My reply, at the tender age of 3, was “Getting down, Dad.” He had to make a hasty retreat to the basement where he laughed until he cried before coming back to scold me. Every time he told this story, he would repeat “Getting down, Dad” as if it were the cleverest thing he’d ever heard and I would secretly beam with pride that I could make him laugh, even when I was the horrible age of 14 and pretending to be mortified.
We had a standing phone date on Sundays while I was away during high school and college. This made for some awkward conversations when he started calling my college dorm room at 6am because “it was the only time he’d be sure to catch me in my room.” If my roommate answered, he always introduced himself by his full name. “This is Gilbert Lasher. I’m calling for Jessica Lasher.” She always told me I could tell him to just say “This is Jess’ dad” but you can’t teach an old dog new tricks sometimes.
It will be six years this week since he passed away. In some respects it seems like it happened 20 years ago. In others, just yesterday. I still miss him every day. I think he’d be pretty pleased with how things have turned out.
June 13th, 2008
me: i can fit two girls in the trunk of my new car
Rummy: thats so random
Rummy: i can fit a boy and a girl in the trunk of my car
Rummy: how do you know?
me: 
Rummy: nice
Rummy: thats how i checked too
Rummy: except i had the balls to close the trunk
Tags: car, derby, IM
June 3rd, 2008
My friend in Troy, NY is in a coffee shop trying to get some work done when she IMs me about a date that is occurring at the table next to her.
Girl: “I could totally be a lesbian… but I am never going down on a girl”
Then, my dear, you *could* do it, but not very successfully. And really, if you’re going to make that lifestyle choice with all the baggage that can come along with it, why aim for mediocrity?
Guy: Hell comes from Dante’s Inferno—
Girl: —the pizza place?
Guy, friend on IM and me: *stunned silence*
I’ve got nothing to add to this. It’s perfect as it is
Moral of the story. Be careful when saying stupid things next to a girl on a computer. She’s telling her friend 3000 miles away what an idiot you are.
Tags: dante, date, haha, hell, IM, inferno, lesbians, tubes
May 29th, 2008
I totaled my beloved Saab this morning.
I’m sore, bruised, scraped and mostly pissed off. It was my fault. The guy I hit (who didn’t take the brunt of it, since I was almost able to go into the barrier instead, but not quite) is okay, but was limping. His mini van was a rental and the bumper and the back were a little dented, but nothing crazy.
My car, it is fucked. I only had liability. I don’t even really want to think about it now. I just want to take a nap.
ETA: I just re-read this. It’s a lie. The worst morning ever was the one where my dad died, followed by the times I got caught sneaking back in from staying out all night as a teenager or running away. This is possibly the third or fourth worst morning ever.
May 22nd, 2008
What I’d like to do with my $600 check, which I should be getting around June 13th:
Get a new digital camera to replace the wet one: $250
Replace my brakes: $350
Pay for my ticket back from Fattyburger: $315
Buy my Rollercon ticket: $207
Take my cats to the vet: $150
Pay my mom back for the money she lent me to pay my taxes: $1000
Total: $2,272
Hm… I think I need to rejig my math. I didn’t even put any skate upgrades on there.
Tags: math, money, taxes
May 21st, 2008
Hi! Welcome to my pity party! Do you want to hear all about how my knee still hurts and I’m not skating? Do you? No? How about I tell you the one about how my knee pain is making me cranky? Hmm, you heard that one already? What? Twice? Damn. I bet you’ll want to pat my head and say “poor baby” when I tell you about the hell that is trying to make an appointment with Kaiser for an orthopedic specialist? Well, yes, its similar to my plight in getting regularly scheduled pelvic exams, but you know, with a different, more PG rated body part.
Oh, you’ve just remembered you left your stove on? Well, okay. But please leave the beer. And I’ll be sure to call you to tell you how my meeting with a new financial adviser goes tomorrow… yes, its about all the tax I paid… Why are you running?
(I’m fine really, this week is just testing me and doesn’t seem to be letting up.)
Tags: beer, kaiser, knee, money, pity party, roller derby, stupid fuckin fuck, taxes
May 20th, 2008
I’ve been experimenting with zucchini bread for the last couple of weekends, hoping to trade baked goods for massage services with another derby girl who is a super strict vegetarian (ie. no eggs). The results came out really well.
1c. sugar
1.5c. unsweetened apple sauce
1c. vegetable oil (I subbed in some olive oil when I ran out… it seemed fine)
3tsp. vanilla
3c. + 2tbsp flour
1tsp. baking soda
1tsp. baking powder
3tsp. cinnamon
2c. (or whatever you have on hand) zucchini grated
1/4c. water if necessary
Mix first 4 ingredients together in a large bowl with a hand mixer. Sift together dry ingredients into a smaller bowl. Add dry to wet while mixing, I would add about a cup or so at a time. At this point, the dough is going to seem a little dry, don’t worry! Add your zucchini in, which will add some moisture, especially if you grate it right over the bowl. If your dough is still really sticky, add in the water a little bit at a time.
Bake at 375 for 40-50 minutes.
Notes: When I made this recipe with eggs, I used 3 eggs instead of the applesauce and two cups of sugar, baking for a full hour at 375. It was way too sweet and a little drier. I really liked the texture better with the applesauce. The next time I make this, I’ll try 1c. applesauce and 2 eggs, keeping the sugar where it is.
Tags: baking, recipe, vegan, zucchini
May 19th, 2008
I have difficulty saying: mustache
I can never spell correctly: restaurant (thanks spell check)
Pairs I love: puppy biscuit; dental pick
Shakespearian character with the most fun to say name: Polonious
Feel free to add some of yours. I’m having some writing blockage so help me out with some lovely lovey words.
May 13th, 2008
Check out my rockin’ hand bruise! Yay! I did three hours of skating today: regular practice and an hour of training with one of the vets before. And after I went out to dinner and margaritas with a friend visiting for 26 hours from Seattle and his school buddy. Hi Ian! And now I kinda wanna die. Yay!
Seriously. I’m so happy to be back skating. I wish this were a better post, but look. It’s 1am. I’m mostly just babbling out of blog-guilt anyway.
And no, I still haven’t gotten a camera yet. But I just ordered some outdoor wheels! Yay!
Tags: margaritas, roller derby, sexy bruise time, tired, yay
April 30th, 2008
Buttersnatch Sundae: How’s it feeling?
Me (on my third lap around the track): It’s almost better than sex!
I’m back to (gently) skating. No words can describe how awesome it is.
Tags: roller derby
April 23rd, 2008
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