I drink wine sometimes.

Things that do not go into a Caesar Salad

Jessica — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 01:10:22 +0000

I like chicken caesar salad a lot. It is my go to salad when I’ve not brought my lunch. I understand that by adding chicken, I am deviating from the original caesar salad recipe , but besides the addition of a protein, I am a stickler for the basics or acceptable modern modifications thereof. These are things beyond lettuce, croutons, Parmesan cheese and chicken that have been in my salads that should not have been, from least offensive to most offensive:

Pita chips
These were put in instead of croutons. Not a heinous transgression, by all means, and in fact pretty tasty. Acceptable to advertise as this dish as a chicken caesar salad.

Tomatoes
Maybe they just don’t know. “Tomatoes are a salad item! They should go in this here salad I’m making!”
No. They should not. I will scoff at your lack of culinary knowledge, but I understand your caesary intent.

Sauteed red peppers
Sauteed green peppers
Sauteed onions
Sauteed mushrooms
This is the only time I can recall ever returning to a restaurant and asking for my money back after having ordered a to go lunch. All of these items were placed, still hot, on top of a bed of mixed greens. If this is, in fact, “how you make” a chicken caesar salad, you need to a) advertise on your menu that you are adding foreign items into a standard, understood salad or, b) stop calling it a chicken ceasar salad. If I can’t trust my standard lunch, what can I trust in the world?

And yes, I just blogged about my lunch. Suck it.

There’s a good thing at the end at least

Jessica — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 17:42:54 +0000

Things I said to the plumbers before I left work yesterday:
“Under the cabinets are clear, do you need me to get anything else out of your way before I leave? No? Okay then.”
“Please be careful of the ant traps I bought yesterday and laid down near where you might be working.”
“The cats shouldn’t be a problem but they might try to do a runner if you leave the door open.”

Things the plumbers did while I was at work yesterday:
Take everything out of my bathroom and dump it on the floor in front of the litter box in the closet. Including my toothbrush.
Abscond with or misplace my face soap. (What the hell, plumbers?)
Knock giant holes in my walls.
Throw away half of the ant traps.
Spill the other half.
Move furniture.
Not put anything they moved back.
Didn’t clean up.

As a bonus they didn’t lose the cats.

Things that are good this week

Jessica — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 18:36:27 +0000

I have been having kind of a cranky week. I’m trying to highlight the good bits.

I won my weekly football pool full of cops. They got beat by a girl. Awesome.
I was gifted with some cuddly bourbon by my favorite Armovs.
I got a package for one Mizz Schnozz out the door and I am VERY EXCITED for her to get it.
Scott’s game is nearly bug-free which means I might see him sometime in the next week.
I can’t skate in the Baby Doll Brawl, our game featuring our newbie skaters, because of my knee. It sucks but I’m working on possibly have a fun, sassy job instead.

Take that, cranky!

Welp…

Jessica — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 20:25:34 +0000

So much for skating anytime soon. I possibly have a tear in a ligament or the meniscus in my knee. I’ll know more for sure after an MRI and a follow up in six weeks. I am very very sad about this and have decided that the only thing that will help is if people send pictures of their cute animals. Bunnies, cats, puppies, fish. Whatever. I’ll accept babies as well. It would help even more if the cute animal/baby in question were perhaps holding a sign of encouragement. Am I asking too much? Maybe. But maybe so was Kennedy when he wanted the US to go to the moon.

A very derby update

Jessica — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 22:40:06 +0000

Tryouts for sub pool were yesterday. I did not move up.
Am I pissed? OH YEAH. 90% at myself and 10% at the universe and everything in it.
Did I do everything I could to make it through? Probably not. But by the time I realized that it was too late.
The upside? I don’t ever want to be this angry at myself again. It’s not pretty. I know what I have to do and it involves a lot of hard work and skill repetition. It’s going to be like an 80s movie montage over here until the next tryouts. I am going to punch the next tryouts in the face. It’s going to be awesome.

The other upside? I’m going to go to Target after work and have some retail therapy. Sub pool may be out of reach until the next round, but pretty new shoes, you will be mine.

Hi! I see you!

Jessica — Sat, 23 Aug 2008 22:45:59 +0000

Yes you, Vegan Zucchini Bread people! I see you googling for no-egg vegan zucchini bread recipes with my super powers of word press dashboard stats. I hope my recipe is answering your vegan zucchini bread questions. As a favor to me, would you, if you try the recipe, let me know how you like it and what can be done to improve it? I take suggestions very well. Thanks!

Jessica — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 22:58:47 +0000

“Does a guy who worries about the price of arugula and thinks regular people ‘cling’ to guns and religion in the face of economic hardship really want to have a debate about who’s in touch with regular Americans?”

Fine. Fight about who has more houses and what defines “rich”. But seriously, leave the arugula, lattes, sushi, cheese… Just leave the food out of it, please. It’s food. It doesn’t get to vote.

I was going to title this Dear Coffee…

Jessica — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 20:15:13 +0000

But really I’ve used that device a bit much lately. So I’ll just lay it out straight. I’ve recently made some adjustments to a prescription *coughcoughbirthcontrolcough* I was on for over a year. When I started it, my doctor said something like “If you start having any issues with side effects, cut out coffee and chocolate.” And, apparently, my will to live.

But I did it, dear reader. Drinking coffee made me want to hurl. Eating food, for that matter, made me want to hurl too, but I gave up the coffee and eventually graduated from saltines to big-girl food. I switched to tea and started feeling superior at how much money I was saving by making my own tea at work rather than buying coffee.

But this morning, unfettered by constraints of pill-induced nausea, I threw caution to the wind and got a large (A LARGE) coffee from the evil coffee corporation. AND IT WAS GOOD. REALLY REALLY GOOD. So good in fact that I had this conversation with my boss:

Her: How are you this morning?
Me: LOVELY
Her: I think that’s sarcastic….?
Me: NOPE! I’VE HAD COFFEE AND AM IN A REEEEAAAALLY GOOD MOOD!
Her: Are you sure you’re okay?

Maybe I need to baby-step back into caffeine. But OH GOD COFFEE NOM NOM NOM.

Also: Ask me about frozen watermelon margaritas. Go ahead! The answer is always going to be: SO DELICIOUS.

This post brought to you by the letter: beverage.

Dear intermittent, soul-sucking, possibly pharmaceutical-related depression:

Jessica — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 22:10:42 +0000

Welcome back!
But please stop. You’re not cute. You’re annoying. Now go away.

<3 <3
me

Me for the Fail

Jessica — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 04:27:56 +0000

I’ve spent the last week being a huge excuse-maker. It’s gross.
Stop it, me.

This has been me publicly calling myself out. Buck up you fucking pansy.