I drink wine sometimes.

Cute things Scott says

Jessica — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 00:31:55 +0000

On the birth of our friend’s baby:

Him: is there any word on a name?
Me: Kaitlin
Me: its in a photo or status update
Him: booooooooooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnng
Me: you just heckled a baby?
Him: I heckled the baby’s parents
Him: they should have named her Huskerdu
Him: Huskerdu McCouch

New invention idea

Jessica — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 21:05:38 +0000

I’ve moved to a new apartment. My new-to-me shower head is one of those detachable jobbers with a hose that hangs down. Annoyed by how the hose obscures things in the basket that hangs behind it, I decided that I needed to change out the shower head. I enjoy being able to take the shower head out of its holster and lazily rinse myself off, but despise its hosey leash. Obviously, I realized this morning, the solution to the problem is a wireless shower head. All I need is the teleportation technology to catch up and mobile spray nozzles will be mine.

Things I’ve Learned in the Last Month: A List

Jessica — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 01:08:03 +0000

After months of wondering, I’m pretty sure my knee will someday soon not send electric currents of pain through my leg when I fall. That the pain limited to “when I fall” and not “when I walk or sleep or stand up after sitting for too long” is amazing to me.

After a reminder from a friend to be honest with myself about my intentions and fears regarding derby tryouts, I’ve found it surprisingly easy to apply that honesty to the rest of my life. The results have been mixed, but mostly positive.

On that note, I’ve learned that asking direct questions and not accepting half-assed responses sometimes gets you the answer you expected but didn’t particularly want.

I have more faith in my acupuncturist than in my HMO. If he did pap smears I’d never go back to Kaiser again. I’m kind of glad he doesn’t though… that would be creepy.

Hope is amazing, fragile and frightening.

Derby and the people I’ve met through it save my soul on a daily basis.

I can live without gluten, sugar, booze and yeast based products. I’ll probably try to still cut out a lot of the sugar and wheat, but I’m very excited to reintroduce bourbon back into my diet.

There is some form of wheat and sugar in every pre-packaged processed food I eat. Except for Amy’s Kitchen frozen foods. I want to have Amy’s babies. She’s saved my sanity.

If your refrigerator dies and comes back to life and you have to buy all new food, that may be a good time to decide to change your diet. Not, say, 2 weeks later when you’ve already bought a whole lot of food you can no longer eat. I’m looking at you cheddar cheese… you taunt me.

I can be frustratingly difficult towards my boyfriend. I am grateful that he is patient.

He can be frustratingly difficult towards me. I hope I can show him the same kind of patience and understanding he shows me.

We can cook an entire Thanksgiving meal for five people and not kill each other. Not even once.

If you’re going to slice your finger open, best to do it the day after Thanksgiving.

I just might want to be doing something better with my life.

My Acupuncturist

Jessica — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 18:28:32 +0000

My acupuncturist is awesome. He’s managed to help me take a lot of the edge off the knee pain. He asks me intuitive questions that none of my HMO-Hospital Doctors ever do and that I never think to bring up, like “How do you sleep?” and “You sometimes have heart palpitations, don’t you?”. He’s pegged my nervous personality and calls me out on it. He’s aware of the fact that it is insanely hard for me to relax any muscle in my body. And he sticks needles into my soft fleshy bits. It’s kind of creepy, but very cool.

My acupuncturist works out of the back of a crystal shop, which I initially thought was very weird. But then I remembered I used to get bikini waxes in a shed behind a woman’s house when I first moved to LA, so maybe I shouldn’t judge. Also, the metered parking in front is only a quarter for an hour and you can’t really beat that.

My acupuncturist has some inspirational art on the walls. After he’s done looking at my tongue, taking my pulse and sticking me with needles, I’m left alone for about 15 minutes. If turn my head to the right, I look at a lovely photo of a beach and a boardwalk. If I turn my head to the left, there is a poster with sky, a river and mountains with an inspirational quote in a generic new-agey script font. It is kerned wrong. And while I’m trying to relax, trying to let the needles do their job and using this time, this precious mid-work-week break, to just chill out a little bit, a part of my brain is screaming “ITS THAT FONT YOU HATE AND IT IS DONE WRONG!”

Do you think there is an acupuncture point for relaxing the anal retentive typography dork screaming in my head?

Okay, Roger. Your turn.

Things that do not go into a Caesar Salad

Jessica — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 01:10:22 +0000

I like chicken caesar salad a lot. It is my go to salad when I’ve not brought my lunch. I understand that by adding chicken, I am deviating from the original caesar salad recipe , but besides the addition of a protein, I am a stickler for the basics or acceptable modern modifications thereof. These are things beyond lettuce, croutons, Parmesan cheese and chicken that have been in my salads that should not have been, from least offensive to most offensive:

Pita chips
These were put in instead of croutons. Not a heinous transgression, by all means, and in fact pretty tasty. Acceptable to advertise as this dish as a chicken caesar salad.

Tomatoes
Maybe they just don’t know. “Tomatoes are a salad item! They should go in this here salad I’m making!”
No. They should not. I will scoff at your lack of culinary knowledge, but I understand your caesary intent.

Sauteed red peppers
Sauteed green peppers
Sauteed onions
Sauteed mushrooms
This is the only time I can recall ever returning to a restaurant and asking for my money back after having ordered a to go lunch. All of these items were placed, still hot, on top of a bed of mixed greens. If this is, in fact, “how you make” a chicken caesar salad, you need to a) advertise on your menu that you are adding foreign items into a standard, understood salad or, b) stop calling it a chicken ceasar salad. If I can’t trust my standard lunch, what can I trust in the world?

And yes, I just blogged about my lunch. Suck it.

Things that are good this week

Jessica — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 18:36:27 +0000

I have been having kind of a cranky week. I’m trying to highlight the good bits.

I won my weekly football pool full of cops. They got beat by a girl. Awesome.
I was gifted with some cuddly bourbon by my favorite Armovs.
I got a package for one Mizz Schnozz out the door and I am VERY EXCITED for her to get it.
Scott’s game is nearly bug-free which means I might see him sometime in the next week.
I can’t skate in the Baby Doll Brawl, our game featuring our newbie skaters, because of my knee. It sucks but I’m working on possibly have a fun, sassy job instead.

Take that, cranky!

Welp…

Jessica — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 20:25:34 +0000

So much for skating anytime soon. I possibly have a tear in a ligament or the meniscus in my knee. I’ll know more for sure after an MRI and a follow up in six weeks. I am very very sad about this and have decided that the only thing that will help is if people send pictures of their cute animals. Bunnies, cats, puppies, fish. Whatever. I’ll accept babies as well. It would help even more if the cute animal/baby in question were perhaps holding a sign of encouragement. Am I asking too much? Maybe. But maybe so was Kennedy when he wanted the US to go to the moon.

A very derby update

Jessica — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 22:40:06 +0000

Tryouts for sub pool were yesterday. I did not move up.
Am I pissed? OH YEAH. 90% at myself and 10% at the universe and everything in it.
Did I do everything I could to make it through? Probably not. But by the time I realized that it was too late.
The upside? I don’t ever want to be this angry at myself again. It’s not pretty. I know what I have to do and it involves a lot of hard work and skill repetition. It’s going to be like an 80s movie montage over here until the next tryouts. I am going to punch the next tryouts in the face. It’s going to be awesome.

The other upside? I’m going to go to Target after work and have some retail therapy. Sub pool may be out of reach until the next round, but pretty new shoes, you will be mine.

Hi! I see you!

Jessica — Sat, 23 Aug 2008 22:45:59 +0000

Yes you, Vegan Zucchini Bread people! I see you googling for no-egg vegan zucchini bread recipes with my super powers of word press dashboard stats. I hope my recipe is answering your vegan zucchini bread questions. As a favor to me, would you, if you try the recipe, let me know how you like it and what can be done to improve it? I take suggestions very well. Thanks!

Jessica — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 22:58:47 +0000

“Does a guy who worries about the price of arugula and thinks regular people ‘cling’ to guns and religion in the face of economic hardship really want to have a debate about who’s in touch with regular Americans?”

Fine. Fight about who has more houses and what defines “rich”. But seriously, leave the arugula, lattes, sushi, cheese… Just leave the food out of it, please. It’s food. It doesn’t get to vote.