My friend in Troy, NY is in a coffee shop trying to get some work done when she IMs me about a date that is occurring at the table next to her.
Girl: “I could totally be a lesbian… but I am never going down on a girl”
Then, my dear, you *could* do it, but not very successfully. And really, if you’re going to make that lifestyle choice with all the baggage that can come along with it, why aim for mediocrity?
Guy: Hell comes from Dante’s Inferno—
Girl: —the pizza place?
Guy, friend on IM and me: *stunned silence*
I’ve got nothing to add to this. It’s perfect as it is
Moral of the story. Be careful when saying stupid things next to a girl on a computer. She’s telling her friend 3000 miles away what an idiot you are.
Tags: dante, date, haha, hell, IM, inferno, lesbians, tubes
May 29th, 2008
I totaled my beloved Saab this morning.
I’m sore, bruised, scraped and mostly pissed off. It was my fault. The guy I hit (who didn’t take the brunt of it, since I was almost able to go into the barrier instead, but not quite) is okay, but was limping. His mini van was a rental and the bumper and the back were a little dented, but nothing crazy.
My car, it is fucked. I only had liability. I don’t even really want to think about it now. I just want to take a nap.
ETA: I just re-read this. It’s a lie. The worst morning ever was the one where my dad died, followed by the times I got caught sneaking back in from staying out all night as a teenager or running away. This is possibly the third or fourth worst morning ever.
May 22nd, 2008
What I’d like to do with my $600 check, which I should be getting around June 13th:
Get a new digital camera to replace the wet one: $250
Replace my brakes: $350
Pay for my ticket back from Fattyburger: $315
Buy my Rollercon ticket: $207
Take my cats to the vet: $150
Pay my mom back for the money she lent me to pay my taxes: $1000
Total: $2,272
Hm… I think I need to rejig my math. I didn’t even put any skate upgrades on there.
Tags: math, money, taxes
May 21st, 2008
Hi! Welcome to my pity party! Do you want to hear all about how my knee still hurts and I’m not skating? Do you? No? How about I tell you the one about how my knee pain is making me cranky? Hmm, you heard that one already? What? Twice? Damn. I bet you’ll want to pat my head and say “poor baby” when I tell you about the hell that is trying to make an appointment with Kaiser for an orthopedic specialist? Well, yes, its similar to my plight in getting regularly scheduled pelvic exams, but you know, with a different, more PG rated body part.
Oh, you’ve just remembered you left your stove on? Well, okay. But please leave the beer. And I’ll be sure to call you to tell you how my meeting with a new financial adviser goes tomorrow… yes, its about all the tax I paid… Why are you running?
(I’m fine really, this week is just testing me and doesn’t seem to be letting up.)
Tags: beer, kaiser, knee, money, pity party, roller derby, stupid fuckin fuck, taxes
May 20th, 2008
I’ve been experimenting with zucchini bread for the last couple of weekends, hoping to trade baked goods for massage services with another derby girl who is a super strict vegetarian (ie. no eggs). The results came out really well.
1c. sugar
1.5c. unsweetened apple sauce
1c. vegetable oil (I subbed in some olive oil when I ran out… it seemed fine)
3tsp. vanilla
3c. + 2tbsp flour
1tsp. baking soda
1tsp. baking powder
3tsp. cinnamon
2c. (or whatever you have on hand) zucchini grated
1/4c. water if necessary
Mix first 4 ingredients together in a large bowl with a hand mixer. Sift together dry ingredients into a smaller bowl. Add dry to wet while mixing, I would add about a cup or so at a time. At this point, the dough is going to seem a little dry, don’t worry! Add your zucchini in, which will add some moisture, especially if you grate it right over the bowl. If your dough is still really sticky, add in the water a little bit at a time.
Bake at 375 for 40-50 minutes.
Notes: When I made this recipe with eggs, I used 3 eggs instead of the applesauce and two cups of sugar, baking for a full hour at 375. It was way too sweet and a little drier. I really liked the texture better with the applesauce. The next time I make this, I’ll try 1c. applesauce and 2 eggs, keeping the sugar where it is.
Tags: baking, recipe, vegan, zucchini
May 19th, 2008
I have difficulty saying: mustache
I can never spell correctly: restaurant (thanks spell check)
Pairs I love: puppy biscuit; dental pick
Shakespearian character with the most fun to say name: Polonious
Feel free to add some of yours. I’m having some writing blockage so help me out with some lovely lovey words.
May 13th, 2008
Check out my rockin’ hand bruise! Yay! I did three hours of skating today: regular practice and an hour of training with one of the vets before. And after I went out to dinner and margaritas with a friend visiting for 26 hours from Seattle and his school buddy. Hi Ian! And now I kinda wanna die. Yay!
Seriously. I’m so happy to be back skating. I wish this were a better post, but look. It’s 1am. I’m mostly just babbling out of blog-guilt anyway.
And no, I still haven’t gotten a camera yet. But I just ordered some outdoor wheels! Yay!
Tags: margaritas, roller derby, sexy bruise time, tired, yay
April 30th, 2008
Buttersnatch Sundae: How’s it feeling?
Me (on my third lap around the track): It’s almost better than sex!
I’m back to (gently) skating. No words can describe how awesome it is.
Tags: roller derby
April 23rd, 2008
Well hello there!
I haven’t had much to say since the knee incident. I’m healing up, although I got a little over-excited about how mobile I’ve become at the bout on Saturday and spent most of Sunday with my leg pearched delicately on a pillow. I am not trying out tomorrow. I am, deep down, okay with this. I could use the extra practice and have talked to one of the vets about some private training once I’m back to normal. In the meantime, I’ll be chilling with the Enforcers, the LADD reffing crew, hopefully kickin’ ass and takin’ stats.
To make up for the lack of content, please enjoy a photo from October. We got up at ass-crack o’clock one morning to head out to Topenga to try and get some photos of surfers at sunrise. I did get a few, but I really loved this sign across the street from the beach. Click the pic for a link to the set.
Tags: beach, knee, photos, roller derby, sprain, topenga
April 14th, 2008
I, um, sprained my ankle and knee. Doing a t-stop. At a slow speed.
2-4 weeks of rest. That puts me back on skates past April 15th sub-pool tryouts.
Fuck.
Tags: ankle, knee, roller derby, spaz, sprain
April 6th, 2008
I woke up in an amazing amount of pain around 4am, convinced that someone had put four very tiny elephants in my right elbow.
It’s still sore. It must be their pointy tusks.
Tags: , dream, elbow, elephants, pain
April 4th, 2008
Rick-rolling. (Look it up on Wikipedia if you need to. I’ll wait.)
It’s never funny.
Also, it may cause me to plan to slice your Achilles tendons in your sleep.
Thaaaanks.
Tags: grr, hate, psa, rick-rolling, stab, violence
April 1st, 2008
– I am freakin’ full of rage today. Rarrr. Rarr. I bet you can feel my rage through the Internets.
– I am also very tired. I haven’t really slept well since Saturday when I slept all day. Probably contributing to massive rage issue.
– Also, also, my eye is twitching like I’m stressed out or something.
– On a note that’s possibly related to all of this, tryouts for derby are on April 15th.
Make of this list what you will. I am too tired to analyze it.
––––
I offered to let the boyfriend try to get to second base with Scarlet Johansen should he ever have the opportunity (and given the way that the holllywood types have been showing up at derby, its totally within the realm of possibility). He’s been cursing his social awkwardness ever since the offer has been made. I was just being funny, but the whole conversation got me thinking.
Do kids in other countries use culturally appropriate sports metaphors for touching a girl’s boobies? I’m sure there’s a good “I knocked her wicket right off” joke in there somewhere. See above about the tired.
March 27th, 2008
I want to hump them. They are so sexay and grippy and lovely.
Let me back up to the wheels that came with my skates, for anyone who may be reading this who might be interested in a starter derby package.
STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM PINK SURE GRIP ZOOMS.
Also, apparently the green ones. The red ones, for some reason, don’t seem to be giving people problems.
The pink Zooms are very very hard and slippery. They have what seem to be extra deep groves that pick up every speck of dirt on the track. I’ve been spending 45 minutes after practice to scrape the accumulated gunk out of the wheels with a variety of tools and they’re still not clean. Skating on these wheels is like riding in a car with no suspension. You feel every tiny crack on the infield (and forget about the bigger ones) and where each panel of the track meets the next. You get 0 traction in your stride.
The Witch Doctors though… they’re like skating on grippy fast clouds. I’m gonna have their little blue “VooDooThane” babies. All 8 of them.
Tags: roller derby, wheels
March 18th, 2008
The water did in the FantasticFujiFunpix that I got for Christmas last year.
I will be accepting nominations for my new camera.
*sigh*
Tags: camera
March 14th, 2008
Dear Track,
We really have to stop meeting like this.
I appreciate the way your slopes hurtle me into the straights when I can remember to skate the track and push through the turns. I cherish your rail, which guards me from being flung out of the corners. In fact, I am even grateful for your cushy, smooshy masonite, without which I would be left to fling my ample ass onto less forgiving surfaces such as concrete or hardwood.
But seriously, Track…
It’s not you. It’s me. My left thigh has been drawn to you like cats to a laser pointer for the last two weeks. I can’t take it anymore. I’m losing sleep, literally. Like, I can’t sleep on my left side and I’m a toss-turn sleeper. I’m putting my skate down, Track (and then picking it up again… over and over… ’cause that’s how derby works) and vowing to end this torrid affair you’re having with my thigh. It will be hard, I know. It is so meaty and luscious, what track wouldn’t want to gobble that thigh up? But I know if I bend my knees and stay low and stick my ass out like I’m pooping on the track, I can put an end to my thigh’s fascination with your lovely gray surface. Also, I’m calling in reinforcements.
<3 <3
me
Tags: bruises, roller derby
March 12th, 2008
Hello!
So far the outcome of the water debacle is Purse = Fine, Camera = unsure still, but not holding out hope. I’m going to put my spare battery in and try to charge it tomorrow and hope for the best. If not, I have just enough credit card points left to get me a new one from the evil blue and yellow store… I believe Mir refers to it as “Excellent Purchase”? The more I try and boycott them, the more they suck me back in. Bastards.
On the derby front… I have been “track cleared” but not “all skate cleared.” What this means is that when the track is free, I can, with another person for safety, go and skate on it. I cannot participate in the league-wide all skates. While I’m not a danger to myself or others, the trainer I talked to is pretty sure I will get my ass handed to me and wants me to get “a little more confident.” I’m not arguing with her. All skate scares the ever-loving hell out of me, and while I want to participate to get over my fear… you know… sometimes the fear is there for a reason.
I’m at that weird point in activities where I start to plateau and get bored. I really don’t want that to happen with derby. When I started I had so few expectations of what I was going to be able to do that when I started succeeding it felt great. The successes are harder to come by now, which means I need to push that much harder to get them. Hopefully I can get my sad-sack self motivated to get to the track on non-fresh-meat days and actually make myself do the hard things. Oh, transitions! I hate you and your friend “skating backwards”! But I will CRUSH you.
Tags: camera, oh noes, roller derby, teh suck
March 11th, 2008
I managed to dump a whole liter of water in my very nice purse today because I apparently didn’t managed to close the top all the way. Also, I am a spaz.
My camera. I’m pretty sure its shorted out. Pray for it. *tear*
There will be no further Photo a day pictures until this is sorted.
Oh yeah. I also fully expect to have to pay at least 1k in taxes. Flail.
Tags: spaz
March 8th, 2008
After much deliberation and friend-polling, I made a hasty decision in seconds and disregarded everyone else’s opinion. Because opinions? They’re like assholes. Everyone’s is different, ya know?
Anyway, my derby name is Tilda Whirl. And I think its fucking awesome.
And if you don’t, I don’t particularly care.
Tags: roller derby
March 6th, 2008
After years of mocking and asking “how do you milk a soy bean…. tell me THAT!!! HA!!!!” I’ve made the jump to soy milk. I haven’t become a vegetarian or lactose intolerant. My co-worker always has it in the fridge and I like some milk in my tea and for some reason soy milk like NEVER goes bad. And after about a month of soy for me I’m hooked.
Fascinating. I know.
Scott and I went to the San Diego zoo last weekend. I would have liked more pandas and for the big cats to be awake, but other than that it was huge and awesome. I wish we could have seen more but we walked somewhere between three or four miles and by the time we were done I was full of zoo.
One of the best parts of the weekend though was scoring $550 worth of hotel stay for $100. Thanks credit card points and guy who locked himself into the room next to us and had to be noisily extracted at 8:30 in the morning thus getting our parking comped!
Oh there’s lots of other stuff going on as well. I’m trying to figure out how my money is best spent: more fancy hair product, new wheels for derby and some ass pads, or a shopping spree at Tarjay to pick up as much of the Converse line as I can carry. All of these options will cost about $120. That Bumble and Bumble hair stuff is FAAAANCAAAY.
Oh. I still <3 derby.
Tags: derby, money, san diego, soy milk, zoo
February 27th, 2008
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